Mike Blair Music

Have it

mikeblairmusic — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:26:20 +0000

This blog has been read by more people than I would have thought. And I’m happy about people reading it. I have unfortunately used it as a sounding board to wounds that I have had no control over and I hope that I haven’t given the impression that my wounds are greater than anyone else’s.

My pain is my pain; big or small, deep or shallow. Elements that I can see and elements that I can’t see are being worked out. Here is a place where I will continue to write with a hope that people will think about ideas that none of us are sure about. I don’t mean to have people doubt the existence of God or the salvation of Jesus. Maybe think about choices we’ve made that we thought would lead to some vague idea of happiness or dreams that we had as children, now as adults we consider them unrealistic.

I am still deeply wounded by decisions that have been made around my life. Those wounds are mine and will heal beyond my control. It’s difficult to stop loving. Some days are fine, a Wednesday afternoon in November, but others are a dark Wednesday morning at the end of June. People I considered family are gone. And I’m sad on days when the one thing I can do is be a victim of nostalgia.

So, respond if you’d like. I recognize the severely great truth in my life that Jesus died for me to have eternal life. But something in me searches in that truth because to just say something doesn’t necessarily imply value. Think of it as being blindfolded. When you’re blindfolded and are handed something complex and intricate, like salvation, you may not immediately recognize it. But you know its there. And slowly through life and decisions the blindfold is lifted a bit more. Salvation has been put in my hands and is mine, but I’m interested in what it looks like from each day I have.

Love,

mike

Got to give

mikeblairmusic — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 01:25:50 +0000

Tonight, I have coffee, Norah Jones, and a shirt that smells of what I’m to forget. Embracing pain, loneliness, and, the always character defining, self-loathing is not what I want. But it is what I’ve got. And it is what it is until it is something else. I read in Hebrews 12 that we can understand hardships as God disciplining us; that God disciplines the ones he loves. I’m not sure if that is a better perspective than “people make stupid decisions and leave others wondering how to pick up all the pieces.” But, one portion of Chapter 12 is;

¹⁰Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. ¹¹No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hopeful, but I only wonder if we are given things to only have them taken. A possibility? How do we know what we are given won’t be taken? And what “harvest of righteousness and peace” will come? Is peace just numbing to pain? I don’t know. I can trust something will come. Something has got to give. And I say that with the utmost pleading in my voice. Something has got to give.

Muse

mikeblairmusic — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 06:02:33 +0000

Are we gluttons for punishment? Do a few of us in our day to day lives think how much drama we can cause by not allowing ourselves any enjoyment? I’m sure you can cut it down the middle. What side I would be on; I’m not sure. Having come under an umbrella of people’s concern here recently I honestly say I’ve reevaluated my lifestyle. I write more, think more, and workout more. I have two short living goals to reach by December. I have chosen to be sad and disappointed about things because I loved with my whole heart. I have chosen to set aside pursuing gigs for a while. Long before the relational crap hit the fan, I knew to put the guitar down. I had to do it. If you would like to hear religious terminology say I’m crucifying it with hope that something more accurate to where I am will come. This has come off as acting out, coping or “throwing it all away.” Maybe it is. I could be way off base, but I’m throwing it to God.

Terms

mikeblairmusic — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:47:48 +0000

The art of the blog is immediacy; a continuous narrative of life seen through the eyes of…me. The narrative I’m living today is something I’m sure a few will rate adequate or perfectly fine or unnervingly depressive.

I have made plans for my life. And they were pretty successful looking to me. Graduate from college, find a career that allows time for playing music, and marry the girl. Children are in the picture down the road along with a rather trendy apartment to suit. Or possibly a yard in the country where there is only the land and sky. Nice times.

I remember first planning “a happening” for this year. We had big plans; sponsors, large tents, vendors, stages. None of it happened. It rained. People fell through for good reasons and crummy ones. Hearts were thrown down to shatter on the kitchen floor. What I had hoped for, planned for, was excited for with the festival didn’t happen. This was something that I believed God had a vision for. So why couldn’t it turn to gold?

I don’t know. I don’t live with much gold in my life. Do I plan things anymore? Nope. I only believe my feet will push themselves from the bed to the floor and I have to choose to stand up, stretch and start another day. That is all I have. And as I come through my gate each morning I mumble, “God, just teach me something today.”

Again

mikeblairmusic — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:59:05 +0000

I had a perspective that told me that everything in front of me is going to vanish one day. Opportunities for quiet, opportunities for guy time, opportunities for, the inexpressible term, “living life” were going to not be there. And I had this going on for years. I had to live as though I was on shore leave.

One facet of this was life before marriage. My prior perspective destroyed what I thought was a long lasting relationship. And I will live with that. I would love a second chance, but opportunities like that don’t come around often. Where I am now looks like where I was a year ago. I could take up all my time with trying to book gigs, writing music to sound like somebody else, be ultra metaphorical, and crush on every woman that I find attractive. I could try and find a reason to get into my car and go to Wal-Mart at 1 o’clock in the morning. I could try and find a reason just to stay up cause somewhere in my heart I feel like I’m missin it. I’m missin’ it if I’m not up for it.

If I was in a Barnes and Noble or Blockbuster I would have a blistering desire to go look around and buy something. Just something that could fill my house, collect dust, and ask for my resentment when I don’t have any money. I would read poetry thinking that I would somehow become more intelligent if I bought “Select Poems” from William Carlos Williams and put it on my shelf.

I don’t go out anymore due to heartbreak and buying things for myself is lost on me. I’m trying not to rant that we should all be less materialist. If you want to buy something please buy it. Let it bring you joy. I believe right now I am going through inventory; emotional inventory. I’m more aware of where I am. And where I am I wouldn’t wish on anybody. That isn’t me glorifying anything because I know we all go through it. People decide things and we disagree. Then we have to go about our life again without.

I can’t tell what my perspective is right now. It fluctuates by the hour. At times it feels like I can’t go home again. I can’t return to how life was for me; driven, happy, at peace. Not that those things are unattainable, but the tone has changed.

Til later,

Mike

The People

mikeblairmusic — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 01:04:55 +0000

I’ve sat in many conversations discussing and debating where Church is going? And I’m talking about church with a capital “C”; the church as an institution. A few people believe Church is returning to the roots of Church history with more congregations exercising more monasticism. Others believe churches are developing more liturgical practices for their congregations. Some find church is becoming more free form in services by speaking in tongues.

The form of how church is acted out on Sunday mornings is an area people cut off relationships for; sadly enough. And I’ve struggled with how these worlds of church theory can intermingle and become one. I think the answer has nothing to do with modeling your church body off a certain movement or church history. The conversation needs to change from capital “C” church to the local church.

The body of believers in front of you on Sunday morning is the answer. If church should truly be a response to the relationship we have with Jesus the local church should reflect exactly that. So you love Jesus? So what? How does a church body exhibit that? How does a body of believers exhibit everyone’s personal relationship and belief? I think the answer is doing what you are passionate about.

This has been echoed many times by several different people, I know. But the truth is that if we read the Word and understand how and why Jesus performed miracles the way he did we can look at the world around us and know exactly where to begin. The local church of the ‘60s saw the suffering of segregation and decided to protest local governments. And we should do the same.

Are you passionate about feeding and clothing the poverty stricken in your area? Do it. Are you passionate about cleaning the environment around you and encouraging others to recycle? Do it. Are you passionate about getting people together to hang out and discuss the popular topics of the day? Rock out. The church needs to be directed to the areas where its congregation is most passionate.

If you are passionate about bringing in concerts to your area then do that. If you’re passionate about opening up a late night restaurant go and do it to your heart’s content. Do all that you’re passionate about with the understanding of why you’re passionate. If you do these things already and you think you’re getting closer to heaven please step down from your position and go home. There is no room for you here.

Discussing is over. Theorizing is over. The call is to action. The call is marching on Washington, D.C. in January. The call is beginning to expand our lives with the fervor God has put on our hearts.

Ephesians 4:14-16

¹⁴Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. ¹⁵Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. ¹⁶From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Another thought

mikeblairmusic — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:46:24 +0000

“I believe the best way to do church is my way.” I was told that face to face one day. And I have had that phrase in my head for the last two months. And I’ve come to the conclusion that that phrase alone is one of the most destructive forces against God’s plan for our lives. It builds a false sense of nobility in the practices of a church body. “My church feeds homeless people every Sunday.” “My church sings the most passionate songs.” “My church takes the Eucharist every Sunday.” “My pastor preaches on the deepest issues.”

I’m on the level with you for setting time and effort apart for God on Sunday mornings. But I will respectfully disagree that the way we do things for an hour and a half on Sunday mornings enhances our relationship with God. When our identities as believers are wrapped in the “how” I think we miss the “why”. And I mean that beyond “why” we go to church. “Why” do we pursue this faith? Do we pursue our walk with God for Eucharist? Do we pursue our walk with God to feed the poverty stricken? Do we pursue a walk because of music? Church should be an outpouring of our own “why”; our own pursuit that we have when we wake up and read the bible or when we spend time investing in the lives of other people.

Another facet of this false sense of pride is that it has us believe we are getting something right. One of the harshest truths I learned from one of my dearest friends was that we can do no good in the sight of God (Isaiah 64:6). She would tell me that constantly and it would piss me off. Cause I wanted to do good for God. I did. I still do. And we use to argue constantly about it. And I was wrong. Cause what I think she was getting at was the striving to only do good in God’s eyes. Cause not only has God redeemed the pasts of those who have chosen to follow him, but the futures of our lives. And I think when people take a prideful perspective with their church’s practices it is like saying, “We’re cool God. We got this.” That sentiment is what takes us out of a position of needing God.

I want to be in constant need of God. I want to always be wondering, “God, what are you doing?” And I’m still not okay with that. Don’t think I really like this. But I know it is good for me. I have been comfortable for too long. Even when I was full of angst about church I was comfortable with God. I’m uncomfortable and I need him. When relationships ended I was uncomfortable and I needed God. I am desperate to be in need of God. Because I know God is good. And you can believe that and take it to the bank.

Read the book and chase after God.

All the best,

Mike

God says “Go”

mikeblairmusic — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 11:28:35 +0000

I understand that I am not fit to be a worship leader. I’m notoriously late, completley unorganized, and practically a poor church leader. But doing the best I can; scheduling practices, working on new songs, and reading books on relevant christian theology like monasticism isn’t seen by those who only criticize. And people see me as young. I am young. I’m 22. I have the ability to make exceptionally poor decisions. I wish I was 27 cause at that age you know what you want. But I’m young so slash one more in the loss column.

But I can tell you with full confidence that my Daddy God sees all of these blemishes that discredit me for leadership, but still calls me for the job. I’m not qualified, but I’m called. I know my heart and my heart wants more of worship. My heart wants more fight. My heart wants more breath from God. I recognize my failures, but God says ”go”. God chooses who he is going to choose. And it is my job to do the best I know how.

Jesus chose failing fishermen whose imperfections were apparent to all, not Pharisees who looked right for the job on the outside but were just “white-washed tombs”.

peace,

Mike

Title it.

mikeblairmusic — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 04:33:49 +0000

I am known as a cynical man. This last month has broken my heart. I have lost a relationship because of bondage to liturgy, a high paying gig, and any kind of basic direction for my life. One would think being cynical would come naturally as a step in the process of life; however, apparently, church leaders (including myself) are held to a higher standard than “regular” Christians in most circles. So, allow me a moment to vent.

Relationships are vital to the Christian faith. When we become wrapped up in the way we traditionally do things we are dangerously close to destroying possibly everything God has done in our lives and in the lives of other people. That is an extreme, yes, but a there is a fine truth in it. I was robbed of a part of my life to the way people have done church. I was robbed of a part of my life from a person choosing practice over people.

The definition of cynical, according to dictionary.com, is “distrusting or disparaging the motives of others; showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one’s actions, especially by actions that exploit the scruples of others; bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.” So, I think it is safe to say that on this issue of being booted from a relationship due to church “issues” I have been left cynical. Good call.

Music has been a part of my life for a long time. My grand dreams of being a rock star took the place of becoming a better human being. Writing music was once an art of expressing ideals and values that I found important. I have booked gigs with hopes of growing fan bases by performing what I thought people wanted. But now I have lost the urge to perform music as extensively as I did before.

I would like to pursue my goals and dreams for music, but my mindset is changing. I am done with trying to make something happen by my own hands. Will I still play music for folks that want me to? Sure. Will I still play music for a little cash? Sure. Will I pursue my dreams of music on my own steam? No. I don’t know what is going to happen, but I can promise that I will listen and follow what I know to be true. I’m not sure how my next album will play out. There will have to be time. Cause I have to get this right, not just for you but for me. But I can promise that I’ll be going for the jugular with what has happened.

And as far as basic direction for my life goes, there is only time in front of me. I am waiting for life to change my cynicism to an understanding of people’s decisions and my music to a passion for life. Anything else will come when it comes.

Catch up

mikeblairmusic — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 10:22:41 +0000

Instead of reading and studying like a diligent student I can only concern myself with tweeting, blogging and new songs. School wore me out. That is no lie or exaggeration. I am beat. I’m going to recluse into my little house for about a day or more (sleeping and cleaning). But after that I am going full steam ahead. I’ll be playing more and you’re going to know about it faster than before. I’ll be writing more songs because my head isn’t going to allow me to keep them anymore. And that means demos. Dirty, ugly, not really noticeable demos. You’ll hear them and I’ll hear them. I am so ready for the Summer 2009 version of tunes. I need to rock my head because in these crazy times it seems as if that would be the only thing we can do.

Dear Finals, I’m going to kick you in the face tomorrow morning. You know why? Because you don’t define me.

Peace,

Mike