Mike Blair Music

I had a perspective that told me that everything in front of me is going to vanish one day.  Opportunities for quiet, opportunities for guy time, opportunities for, the inexpressible term, “living life” were going to not be there.  And I had this going on for years.  I had to live as though I was on shore leave. 

One facet of this was life before marriage.  My prior perspective destroyed what I thought was a long lasting relationship.  And I will live with that.  I would love a second chance, but opportunities like that don’t come around often.  Where I am now looks like where I was a year ago.  I could take up all my time with trying to book gigs, writing music to sound like somebody else, be ultra metaphorical, and crush on every woman that I find attractive.  I could try and find a reason to get into my car and go to Wal-Mart at 1 o’clock in the morning.  I could try and find a reason just to stay up cause somewhere in my heart I feel like I’m missin it.  I’m missin’ it if I’m not up for it. 

If I was in a Barnes and Noble or Blockbuster I would have a blistering desire to go look around and buy something.  Just something that could fill my house, collect dust, and ask for my resentment when I don’t have any money.  I would read poetry thinking that I would somehow become more intelligent if I bought “Select Poems” from William Carlos Williams and put it on my shelf. 

I don’t go out anymore due to heartbreak and buying things for myself is lost on me.  I’m trying not to rant that we should all be less materialist.  If you want to buy something please buy it.  Let it bring you joy.  I believe right now I am going through inventory; emotional inventory.  I’m more aware of where I am.  And where I am I wouldn’t wish on anybody.  That isn’t me glorifying anything because I know we all go through it.  People decide things and we disagree.  Then we have to go about our life again without. 

I can’t tell what my perspective is right now.  It fluctuates by the hour.  At times it feels like I can’t go home again.  I can’t return to how life was for me; driven, happy, at peace.  Not that those things are unattainable, but the tone has changed. 

Til later,

Mike